Clint Jolly's posterous

I just ate dinner with 22 folks at 4th St. Bistro in Reno. It was hosted by one of my catering clients. They're the first clients to ever invite me out to these functions. It was amazing, but I'm not sure if I should feel rewarded, smitten, boisterous, proud or arrogant. I can say it's not a bad thing though.

I sat next to a couple that have lived in Algeria, Columbia, England and others. About five years each. They vacation in Italy, brazil for Carnival and more. I'm jealous. I was in a coffee shop today. A "large" (is that politically correct?) man walked in. He was wearing plaid shorts with a striped shirt. The barista, obviously an acquaintance at least, called him out. "Go home and change. That's ugly. Don't you know better?". I pride myself on being a bit stylish. But, as with most things I think I miss the boat. I guess that makes me improve constantly?

Speaking of improving- I have a list I need to start on to improve myself. Health, efficient business, the next step. It's a constant thought that invades every day of my life. Get better. Be stronger. Make more. Give more. A friend told me last night that I need to focus more on what I do best. He's not the first. But, I feel like I've conquered that (cooking) enough to be happy. I feel like it's time to move on. I'm spoiled. I didn't grow up with everything, but there wasn't much more I could have asked for. We always ate well, lived in a nice place and enjoyed life. I walked into the family business and made a career of it. It taught me to work hard for material things, but I never learned to work hard to make myself happy. I'm working on that. Speaking of work- no one really enjoys it. Do they? But seriously, I spend 60-80 hours a week doing something productive. (may not get paid for all of it) That seems like work mostly. But, a lot of it is time spend acting like I'm working so that I don't work too much. The other night at a wine bar, I was asked by a nice looking older lady if I was single. Her companion was my age, she was 50+. I thought it was a bit strange. But, she invited me to a speed dating event later this month. I think it will be fun, but my first reaction was to think of people to invite. That would sort of end up like going out with my friends and only talking to them for a few minutes each. That's not the point is it?

I've worked hard in the last year to meet new people. Mostly business related folks. It's been a real blessing to expand my network on a slow, but directed, pace. The next step is to figure out how to leverage these new connections into a win win relationship. There's a lot there, and I believe in the power of numbers. Synergy. I consciously know that I could conquer my problems if I quit trying so hard to do so. Let the universe guide me and pay attention to signs that lead to the right outcome. The problem is that I'm a control freak. That makes me want to plan, organize and oversee every part if life. It's an internal struggle that I'm not sure I'll ever fully control. (yes, I see the irony there...)

The control issue hinders my success. I'm a great starter. I'm a terrible doer. I need other people for that. If I could learn to let go a bit and let them do that part, success would come easily. As for success- to me it's the freedom to do what I feel like at the moment. That doesn't mean being rich, although money sure does make it easier. It means having the ability to travel when I feel like it. To take a day off when I don't feel like working. To build a new project when my attention is focused. I don't care about a big house, but a few sports cars would be nice. That's really not all, but I have to work tomorrow. It feels good to share random thoughts. You should try it sometime. Let me know if you do.